Trust should be earned. Opening up in hopes of someone sharing that same commitment to openness and trustworthiness is irresponsible.

We’re not always missed as much as our ego would like for us to believe we will be.

It’s not considered quitting when you retire.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

People do not change.

Self defense mechanisms are in place for a reason.

Empathy gets you nowhere in life.

Boston Red Sox still suck.

I still hate Kobe’ Bryant.

The Philadelphia Eagles will most not likely win more than 8 games this season. (Crossing my fingers on this one.)

The lyrics “Can we pretend that airplanes , In the night sky ,Are like shooting stars ,I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)” Have been obnoxiously posted a million times all over facebook by now.

Wishes do not come true.

Life goes on.

www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20313460_20387946,00.html

www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20313460_20388269,00.html

I enjoyed the Christian ideals behind the story. Jack being led towards the light by “a Christian Shepherd”. Play on words, think about it. Jack’s side being pierced like Christ. Finding redemption in following the words of his Father. The Christian metaphors are endless and fun. It was by far the perfect ending. Over the years Lost had been slowly dwindling down in numbers as far as favorite shows go. After this last episode, Lost will quite possibly be my favorite ever.

I feel we as viewers were too harsh on wanting all of the answers. However, if we had all of the answers Lost would lose it’s magical touch. The special powers some people had (Walt, Desmond) I credit to being touched by Jacob as he carried a gift to bless someone. The statue with 4 toes? Egyptians had 4 toed statues that looked similar. Other questions, as always, I can create an answer to

Life couldn’t be much better right now. Being happy tends to make a world of difference on a day to day basis.

Nicholas felt his eyes growing heavy and he said, “I don’t know. . . . Fear?”

“Fear holds us and binds us and keeps us from growing, Nicholas.” Pug’s voice took on an insistent quality. “It kills a small piece of us each day. It holds us to what we know and keeps us from what’s possible, and it is our worst enemy. Fear doesn’t announce itself; it’s disguised, and it’s subtle. It’s choosing the safe course; most of us feel we have ‘rational’ reasons to avoid taking risks.” He smiled reassuringly. “The brave man is not the one without fear but the one who does what he must despite being afraid. To succeed, you must be willing to risk total failure; you must learn this.”

“Something in you held to your fear; something in you loves your fear and binds it to you as a mother or lover. You must confront that fear and banish it; you must embrace it and let it devour you. Only then will you know your fear; only then can you heal yourself.”

A great paragraph or 3 of quotes found in a book I was reading called The King’s Buccaneer by Raymond E. Feist. Too true. Fear binds too many of us in place. Makes us afraid to take chances. Afraid to experience anything new. We cling to our fears rendering ourselves incapable of moving past certain road blocks in our lives. It keeps us at home instead of exploring the world. Keeps us in relationships long overdo for a second look, keeps us in jobs we hate, and keeps us in from living lives we’ve dreamed of living. Fear is the creativity killer in our lives. Fear holds us back from becoming great.

If I had it my way, sinuses and allergies wouldn’t exist. This blowing my nose every 30 seconds or a leaky faucet begins ticking nasty snot bubbles out at a steady pace is a bit disgusting. Softball has become a bit of an obstacle for me as far as the frustration with myself. I don’t like not being great at things. I’m improving on a gamely basis in the field. Hitting a couple over has cursed me with an uppercut swing. Life goes on.

I went on a major Jack Johnson kick again. Woody’s learning that Coldplay is indeed fantastic, and the world is good.

Short post, but a post nonetheless.

A question constantly asked by people around the world for years on end.

(This message is being interrupted by Jelly that expired in January and I almost managed to eat it. If I get sick, we all know why. Any confusing parts of this are blamed on Ed watching “I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry”.)

I feel it’s easiest to define myself by looking at much more interesting people.

1. Zach Braff – Melodramatic to the extreme. His characters tend to be deep thinkers who on occasion whine a bit and look at the dark side of life. Take Dr. John Dorian from the fantastic hit series Scrubs for example.  Constantly erupting into monologue hidden within his own head, given to dark moods that swing him into a bit of depressive modes, and loyal enough to be the poster boy for the word. JD is also known to be a bit feminine. If you’ve ever watched this show, you know which parts tend to reflect upon myself.

2. Dr. Greggory House – Similar in appearance, similar in attitude. House comes off as a complete jerk, which in essence is true, however there are parts of him that are more loyal to his colleagues than meets the eye. He, like me, dislikes the general public. Also falls directly into the darkened mood that television watchers have fallen in love with. Though I choose not to manipulate the lives of those around me. I have the same bit of narcissistic tendencies that lend to megalomania in some ways. Not because I want to feel like I’m superior to everyone or anything. I’m just a bit of a douche sometimes and it comes out without me meaning for it to happen. I know it seems arrogant and egotistical to view things the way I do, call it a case of little man syndrome. I don’t feel better than everyone, it’s complicated to explain. A part of me just doesn’t believe anyone can do things as well as I can because it’s how I’ve always gotten by in sports. In sports I was always younger than the people in my grade, and being smaller than a majority of the athletes around me, it took a certain “I can do anything” attitude to get myself to be what athlete I am. I’m not the greatest athlete by any means, but I am better than most.

3. Dexter Morgan – This is a character I feel you’d need to be more deeply introduced to before understanding this. Serial killer? Not so much. Cold disregard for people I don’t really know? Ya, for the most part. I had to do something at work the other day that made me feel a bit heartless. Part of me wanted to feel bad as I made a lady approaching 87 years of age cry. Then I remembered that the corporation that I work for is equally heartless and removed what little bit of empathy I connected with the world and left me a bit more empty.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day that helped me look a bit deeper into myself. We discussed the fact that things have changed so much and that a big thing was about to happen in my life. Probably not one of those things that you blow up on your blog post, but life goes on.

I’ve used the massive L bomb on one lady in my life. She asked for my mailing address for what I assume is the invite to her wedding this summer. My initial reaction was to remind her that she was mine. Attempt to sweep her off her feet because no one could be loved or love the way I do. Then another friend reminded me that I always want what I can’t have. As much as I wanted to just run her down and attempt to take her back. She’s no longer mine. That ship has sailed, now it’s time to be happy for my friend. That one relationship has been a milestone of things I’ll never forget. Reminds me of the House/Cuddy relationship if you keep up with the show. Weird I know.

I told her that I wasn’t the same person that I was when Ms. “L Bomb” was still in my life. I’ve changed too much. I said that I used to be a good person. That I wasn’t heartless. I was empathetic. I apologized that all she saw me as, was a bad guy. She responded that I wasn’t a bad guy, I was a guy that just gave up. Strikes hard doesn’t it? Giving up wasn’t ever my intention, these things just happen.

Thursday is going to be a big day. I’ve said multiple times that I’m done giving up. I’m too much like Zach Braff’s character in that I constantly make myself promises I can’t keep.

Thursday. I will call the recruiter. I will get signed up. I will join the Air Force.

I’ve learned who I am. Who is you?

I’ve passed my due date on posting.

Work is work.

Military is a calling.

G’night love.

I now know who you are, I lack only your name. You walked into Wal-Mart the last two nights and walked away with my thoughts each time. The white shirt, pink shorts, and short hair are the only things I have to go by on your real life description. In all honesty, you wouldn’t be able to pick my face from a crowd full of people. I however, could draw yours as it has etched its way straight onto my heart. You’ve stalked my dreams for nights on end, and I’ve only recently discovered that you are in fact my “mystery girl,” yet I’ve never seen you before Wednesday night. If on the off chance someone brought this to your attention, I apologize for this sounding creepy… but I cannot control my dreams, my thoughts, or the butterflies I felt from seeing you. Truthfully, the chills that followed the realization of who you are, could be counted a blessing. We will most likely never speak. I’m ridiculously intimidated by the thought of even approaching you. I’m also about to make a life changing decision. I plan to speak to my grandfather about the Air Force when he returns from his trip to Oregon. Hopefully, if things go to plan, I’ll be able to do something with my life I can be proud of.

I haven’t done too much that I’m proud of in my life. Not that it’s been a life to frown upon. I’ve just looked around and realized that I need to take my life in a different direction. I’m intelligent. I don’t use my intelligence for anything but watching television. I’m undisciplined and lazy. These are things I want to change about myself. There are things I need to have changed. Maybe one day we will meet, for now, I’ll continue to look for you at my place of employment.

-Matt

However recently I’ve begun looking at things a bit differently.

What is a Soul Mate and where did this idea come from?

The oldest to date idea of a “soul mate” came from the ancient Greek philosopher Plato. In Plato’s Symposium he stated that man was originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs, 2 heads and 1 soul. Zeus recognized their cunning and strength so he divided their soul and body to keep them from being a problem like the Titans of the past. They were now forced to walk the earth with 2 arms, 2 legs, 1 head and a torn soul that would forever seek the other. Zeus then gave them sex so they could feel whole for at least a short time, though they would remain empty forever without their soul mate. Zeus knew that with humans in constant search for their soul mate they would never have time to plot and plan to overthrow Mt. Olympus the home of the gods.

Pagan ideals aside it’s a pretty interesting story. I’ve recently started looking at this soul mate thing in a new light. My cousin and best friend Sean has found what I see as a soul mate. They are ridiculously similar in so many ways, and compliment each other ridiculously well. After seeing them together and being at the wedding I honestly have a hard time not seeing them together. The same goes for several couples I’ve met through the years. Tyler and Amanda Tarver are two that seem more than joined at the hip as well. Meeting them for 10 seconds and you feel they were meant for one another. It’s impossible to not feel happy for someone when they find that special someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I’ve learned to ignore that bitter feeling that attempts to battle up and just live the life I have. Being in constant search of a soul mate is tiring work, and I feel that so many people rush it trying to appease the desire of fulfillment and eradicate the emptiness that swallows us when we are alone. Once more, check divorce rates and dating habits. People rush for the quick fixes in life.

As always I’m overly open with everyone I know. It’s my downfall I know, but people never worry about me keeping secrets from them or lying to them. I’ve had the most recurring dream of recurring dreams lately. I say recurring dreams, but I really mean recurring star of my dream. This unnamed female wearing a UNLV (University of Northern Las Vegas) sweater has stalked my dreams the past 9 nights. I like it, it’s weird, it’s different. She’s there as soon as sleep takes me, and in my head as I wake up and spend the rest of my day. I find myself  wanting naps mid day to see if she will appear again, and night never comes soon enough. No, I’ve never seen her in person. No, I don’t think she exists anywhere but my head. Yes, I am completely okay with that. It’s my life, I will find the happiness where it comes and bask in it’s ambiance when it does.

In other news, the Eagles have now parted with everyone in their original foundation that brought me to them but the head coach. Brian Dawkins – Denver Broncos. Brian Westbrook – MIA. Donovan McNabb – Washington Redskins. GM gone. Defensive Coordinator – Deceased. I have a feeling the next season will be a long one.

Work is… well, work.

Now I’m going to nap, fare thee well.

I’ve come to the conclusion that God wrote Lost. Looking back on each episode I’ve noticed a trend in moving towards a christian approach at things and how life actually works out. It seems once every person is almost happy in the show, or they are about to figure some life changing thing out… something happens leaving them just as miserable as everyone else. I’m not complaining, it makes for great entertainment, however, as per 10 day rule I shall share these things that hold hands like brethren.

Every time you ask a question, your answer is yet another question.

Each time we believe we have it all figured out, 12 more things come into play leaving us even more confused.

There is an endgame, though the viewers spend more time guessing than enjoying the ride.

Free will vs. Fate/Destiny

Devil vs. God

Blind trust vs. Constant Questioning

Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people. (However, I believe these writers have thrown good ‘ol Karma in there to make sure people are happy when the bad fail.)

Acceptance of a path doesn’t necessarily make life easier.

Last but not least, Smoking will kill you., and/or Locke/Man in Black/Smoke Monster. (Horrible attempt at humor)

Hopefully one day, both things will make sense to me. Lost will pan out by summer, life will pan out whenever. I’m sure I’ll never have all the answers to life, but hopefully Lost won’t leave me with anymore questions. I’m not sure how many more conundrums my brain can handle anymore. My creativity seems shot, and I’ve lost the ability to even focus on a good daydream. Is this what getting older is about? Sacrificing dreams to watch someone else be creative on television? I sure hope not.

People support the underdog because it represents a bit of chaos and disrupts the natural order of things. I feel it’s a type of chaos that most people wish they had in their lives to “rock the boat” in their own lives, however, most of us fall into the habit of conforming to a lifestyle of complacency. This has us cheering on that underdog that ruins brackets, enjoying movies where chaotic story lines take place and make each of us feel a bit empowered by someone breaking outside of the norm. Maybe I just feel like my own life is a sedated version of what it could be, but I just don’t think that’s completely true. Eventually everyone gets into a “wake up, get ready, go to work, lunch break, back to work, home, sleep” style of life. The routines are occasionally broken up with a bar on Friday nights, or some sort of party to change things up a bit, but in the end it’s still quite repetitive. I’ve noticed for myself chaos is a theme that I’ve found incredibly exciting in books. Even video games. God of War 3 for example is based around a character that carries chaos with him wherever  he goes. He disrupts the order of things, it’s fantastic. I feel people thirst for some form of chaotic nature in SOMEONE ELSE’S life. Now  this is said for a specific reason. Most of us do not like change. We’re afraid of it. Change represents inconvenience. Change is scary. It’s all fun and games when it’s something you view and don’t actually have to deal with. Easier for us all to allow someone else to live out our dreams so that we can be nice and safe in our less than exciting lives.

Now I do have to say, I don’t think I’d like chaos completely taking over my life. That’s why during the seasons I pick one team and I expect them to win every game. I will forever be unhappy about my team losing, but will still continue to cheer for an underdog t hat will rock the system and build a bit of chaos into the ranks.

In other news I have a toothache that induces a pain worse than any I’ve ever felt before. I’ve been blessed with a friend that had a painkiller or 3 and its’ helping a bit but the pain I’m experiencing is still piercing through it. It turns out my roommate is a coward and wouldn’t rip my tooth out of my mouth for me. I feel loopy right now, so I didn’t go into as much depth as I would have liked about this chaos theory that I’ve been thinking about this past 3 days. I found myself having a bit of school pride this year. Tech is really starting to make a name for itself with everything, including intramurals.

I love watching LeBron James play. I just wish he would stop talking to the officials so much. I will continuously find it funny when someone says LeBron whines and they are Kobe fans. Kobe complains so much and has so many excuses that he writes them in tattoos and prepares them for each game. I completely agree with this possible overtime change for the NFL. I think it would potentially revolutionize football. Starting it off in the playoffs, possibly eventually move it to the regular league. This move has the Matt Baxley stamp of approval.  Philly had best be making a big move with all of the releases they are doing recently. Offensive coordinators do not matter for the Colts. Payton will do what he wants, when he wants, and throw a pick on the big play to lose the game either way. Hockey still sucks. Michael Jordan revolutionized basketball and should be made the logo of the sport. I’m obviously watching ESPN and commenting on each thing that pops onto my television. I can’t feel my face. I love you all.

I started off my day with a song stuck in my head that I hadn’t heard in a while. This song was Disturbed – Stricken. I’m mid song in my head when my roommate picks up on the line that was silently going through my head. On the dot. Tell me you’re not impressed, or “disturbed”. Pun intended. Lamely so. This followed with us heading towards the conjoined Wal-Mart/McDonalds to fuel up with Red Bull for the day. Upon leaving Wal-Mart we see a very tiny car. Not just any tiny car, but a car that Richard Simmons would call gay. It evoked large bits of laughter from the two of us. This day started off well… only to get better.

There are certain things all men need to see in their lives. One of them is an explosion, or something large melted and/or on fire. We passed a diesel with it’s  insides completely melted looking super awesome. (I do hope that no one was injured) However, it was quite freaking awesome to see this thing all jacked up with cops and such everywhere clearing the roads.  The excitement of seeing the tiniest car ever mixed with an almost exploded diesel  was quite a bit to take in. Could things get more interesting? All of the sudden we see a car pulled over on the side of the road. I look a bit closer because someone appears to be hanging out of the side of the car. What is it that I saw you ask? It was the enormous butt of some woman protruding from her car. She had decided that the exit located 1/2 a mile down the road was too far, and urination needed to happen immediately. The end result was a close call in me nearly urinating on myself. I couldn’t stop laughing and was even more excited to go and do something active that involved sports.

The Tournament was fun. We went 1-2 overall but all around an enjoyable event. I was a bit nervous on how well I would actually play, but decided as long as my stats looked better than my roommates I would be happy. To keep this eternally long story short I’ll hit up the highlights. Woody was hitless in the first game to my delight. We didn’t play well and lost, but I had 2 base hits. The second game was really fun as we routed the other team with only one inning left. The bad news about the tourney was the one home run rule. Our team couldn’t manage to keep it in the park. I managed to hit the top of the fence on an at bat and was pretty happy it stayed in play and led to a stand-up triple. The most exciting part of my day came  in the final game when I noticed a Maroon Nissan Altima parked right behind left field. Jogging in from the previous inning I looked and Woody and said “I’m going to hit that car. Who is retarded enough to park a car right behind left field?” He laughed and said whatever because he’s a douche. First pitch, ball. Second pitch, right off the car. First home run of my career and I had the fortune of calling it before it happened making it twice as cool. We lost finishing 1-2 but I had more hits and a higher batting average at the end of the tourney than him going 8/9.

We then drove home to Russellville to find ourselves tired, and ready for the Bachelor party later that evening. It’s amazing what you can do with 16 Red Bulls and other assorted mixtures. Makes for a fun time for everyone to enjoy. The bachelor party was fun and I made smart decisions. I became reacquainted with a family member, possibly gained new roommates starting in the summer, and spent 2 hours arguing which super hero was the best/ what television series was the best. All in all, fantastic day, I had great fun, and saw some new things, hit my first home run, caught up with best friends, and got to see my family. One up that.